YES, I SPEAK
I love a good malapropism, especially from kids. And this one’s a doozy.
It was the groom’s fifth wedding. His 7 or 8 year old son was part of the wedding party, and apparently he had heard the phrase enough to voice it just before the minister was about to speak.
Of course, the son spoke it rather loudly. With obvious exasperation and a theatrical head- and eye-roll that could be easily seen in the back seats.
The minister speaks to the congregation: “If there is anyone here who knows why these two should not be joined in marriage, …”
When out booms the voice of the groom’s son: “Yeah, yeah. Speak cow or forever holster your peas. What’s that mean anyway?”
From the minister at the front of the church to the usher at the back, laughter erupted. Even the bride and groom, who for a brief moment looked mortified, burst out in laughter.
That moment was worth the otherwise crushingly boring ceremony that had dragged on for almost 2-½ hours and came dangerously close to putting even the wedding photographer to sleep.
So the next time you wonder whether to voice your opinion, remember the poignant words of our pint-sized philosopher: Speak cow or forever holster your peas.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.