Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I don’t eat out much any more, so when I do it’s a treat I want to enjoy as much as possible. Today was no different.

I was in the mood for a “gourmet” burger, so I headed over to one of my local Red Robin® restaurants. I’m particularly fond of their Whisky River® BBQ Burger and like to enjoy it with a Raspberry Lemonade. Simple but tasty.

While still a devout people watcher and conversation eavesdropper, I nonetheless want to enjoy my food and drink.

It was a moderately busy day at the restaurant so the tables and booths around me began to fill up rather quickly. Mostly, they were filled with families with, at least today, surprisingly well-behaved children who were also surprisingly, only mildly noisy.

Well, except for the snot-nosed, high-pitched, little screecher who apparently thought it was cute to try and split the ear drums of those seated nearby him. Thankfully, this aural assassin and his uncaring mother left the restaurant soon. Perhaps in search of an air raid siren with which the child could practice.

But what was most upsetting today was the gaggle of geezers who were sitting at the table directly behind me. Now normally, I’m not at all bothered by seasoned citizens enjoying a meal out. I find them to be typically quiet and unobtrusive. Great table neighbors if you want to have some quiet time for note writing after enjoying a good meal.

Unfortunately, today’s table neighbors were neither quiet nor unobtrusive. They were in fact louder and more obnoxious than were the trio of teenage girls sitting about five tables away.

That they were loud, as if competing to see how low they could turn their hearing aids and still be heard, was bad enough. But to make things worse was their decision to talk about their ailments and associated disasters.

While people all around them were eating. And trying ... I said, trying ... to enjoy their food.


So there I am, a few bites into my gourmet burger, when “Celia” decides to talk about her “accident” that happened this morning.

Really? You’re going to talk about that in a restaurant?? With other people around???

And her topic du jour?

A full colostomy bag that burst while she was getting ready to take a bath. (If you don’t know what a colostomy bag is, consider yourself fortunate.)

And not only did she loudly recount her accident incident, but she then proceeded to detail ... that’s right – detail ... the disgusting mess and her efforts at clean up afterward.


And no one at her table thought to stop her. In fact, one gross-out geezer attempted to out-gross her accident with one of his own. And if you thought the first one was bad, you don’t even want to know what the winner’s tale of bilious woe was. Suffice it to say, I will probably never use the bathroom of an AirTran jet for fear that it might be “that” one.

So if you are, or know someone who is, one of those kind of people, please heed and pass on the following advice: STOP IT.

Please show a little, in fact, please show a lot of consideration for those around you who do not share your fascination with your gross disasters. Especially in a restaurant, or anywhere there are people trying to enjoy their food.

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