Friday, May 14, 2010


I could see him in my rearview mirror. Weaving in and out of the freeway traffic like some madman. The closer he got to me, the more aggressive his driving seemed to be. I could hear the anger in his car horn as he tried to get other drivers to move out of his way.

Unfortunately for him, I don’t respond well to aggressive drivers who put everyone around them at risk. Unfortunately for me, my response to them tends to anger them even more. I’m working on fixing that, but it isn’t fixed yet.

So when he drove inches from my rear bumper and popped his horn as much as he was popping the veins in his forehead, I just drove the speed limit. I could see in my rearview mirror that he was fuming. Every pop of his horn seemed to emphasize the epithets and curses that shot from his mouth.

After a few minutes of this, I figured I had made my point and sped up to pull in front of a car in the next lane so that Mr. Angry could pass. He pulled up beside me, rolled down his passenger side window and yelled, “F#CK YOU, A%%HOLE," as he flipped me the finger. Then he sped on ahead.

So yeah, I expected that. But what I didn’t expect was what I saw on the back of his car.

There was a silver fish emblem, you know, the kind that proclaim being a born-again Christian. And there was a bumper sticker that said, “No Jesus, No Peace. Know Jesus, Know Peace.” Another one that said, “WWJD.” And perhaps the most ironic sticker was the one that said, “Speed on. Hell ain’t half-full yet.”

And I thought, “So that’s what Jesus would do,” in answer to the WWJD sticker.

Of course, I didn’t really think that Jesus would do that. But I had to wonder how many people, when confronted by Mr. Angry with the Christian bumper stickers, might think that.

And I imagined Mr. Angry, standing before the Judgement Seat and facing his Lord, wondered how he would answer.

Jesus: “So dude, what was up with the angry driving and all the cursing?”

Mr. Angry: “Sorry Lord. I was just in a hurry and the traffic was really bad.”

Jesus: “But you were wearing that WWJD bracelet. That was supposed to remind you not to be such a jerk.”

Mr. Angry: “Yeah, I know. I guess I just wasn’t paying much attention to it that day. Sorry.”

Jesus: “Yea-a-a-ah-h-h. You know, you did that a lot. And speaking of being sorry, you’re not gonna like what comes next.”

Mr. Angry: “Oh Jesus Christ, you gotta be kidding me. You’re not sending me to hell are you? Just because I flipped a few people off? I mean, I’m sorry, okay? I won’t do it again.”

Jesus: “Yea-a-a-ah-h-h. You know, you said that a lot, but you weren’t really sorry. And you wouldn’t believe the number of people who, after meeting you, have asked me if I would really do that stuff. So yeah, for that and a whole bunch of other stuff, you’ll be departing from me now. Sorry.”

Mr. Angry: “Well I got one last thing to say to you.”

But before he could finish his sentence he was gone.

The moral of the story: If you’re going to put your faith on your car, make sure you keep your faith in your heart.

Maybe a better moral would be: Whatever your faith, live by it. Because in the end, you’ll be judged for it.

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