The Eclectic Chalkboard

YOU SQUEEZED IT WITH WHAT …

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I recently participated in a blind orange juice taste test. No, that doesn’t mean the oranges were blind or the tasters were blind. It simply means we had no idea before hand whose juice we were being served. We rated each juice and we made comments.

Now this posting is not about which juice was the best and which was the worst. Although I do feel compelled to announce that the best tasting orange juice was …

Not surprising, since Orchid Island’s orange juice has been a taste test winner numerous times across the country.

What I found fascinating about the taste test was the comments.

Oh, not the usual stuff like, “Tastes like oranges,” or “tastes like fresh squeezed,” or even “yucky,” or “tastes like citrus crap.” Those kinds of comments are expected and typical.

It was the almost editorial-like comments that were the most interesting, and worth sharing with you, for your reading entertainment.

Consider the following …

“When I was a kid, my momma would sing me to sleep. It was as comforting as it was peaceful. This orange juice was like that.”

“If this is supposed to be what ‘fresh-squeezed’ tastes like, then they failed to mention that they squeezed rotten oranges.”

“This juice was better than what I imagine sex would be like.”

“I don’t know how they did it, but they managed to make what should be a sweet liquid taste as flat and dry as the Bonneville Salt Flats.”

“If Effen Vodka is the connoisseur’s top choice, then Orchid Island is the f-in’ top choice to make a screwdriver.”

“They used to say, ‘A day without orange juice is a day without sunshine.’ Well, this juice was a day that went pitch black. Stay in bed. Sleep through the day. And wake up tomorrow with somebody else’s orange juice.”

My choice for the best comment regarding what the taster thought was the worst orange juice ever, goes to the writer of this …

“Fresh-squeezed from the finest oranges?? More like fresh-stomped by dirty feet wrapped in stanky, crusty socks, on the dirt floor of a cow barn not cleaned in a month, using the deadest, moldiest oranges we could find in the dumpster. Please, these people ought to be arrested for impersonating an orange juice company and you sponsors ought to be arrested for attempted murder of my taste buds. Shame on them. Shame on you. Shame on me for taking a second taste because I couldn’t believe ‘orange juice’ could really taste that bad in the first place.”

And my choice for the best comment regarding the taster’s best orange juice ever? Definitely this one. (I wish I’d written it myself.)

“This is the juice of legends. It is as if the juice-makers had one opportunity to make the finest juice they could for God, knowing that if He were pleased, they would enter Heaven. And knowing that if He were not pleased, they would be condemned to hell. And God tasted it and said, ‘Oh. My. Self. This is absolutely heavenly. Well done, good and faithful juice-makers.’”