Friday, July 16, 2010


You should be able to do it outside, but not in a crowd.

In your car, on your way to pick up your date, but I wouldn’t recommend it. You’d be amazed how long it lingers.

Down a dark and secluded alley? Don’t see why not. Although I’m not a big fan of going down dark, secluded alleys in the first place.

Kissing someone? Yea-a-a-ah-h-h, No … definitely not.

About to shake hands to close that big deal? What, are you stupid? Of course not.

Need to let someone behind you know that they’re getting too close? Most assuredly, yes.

In a hot tub, alone? Why not.

In a hot tub, with family? Maybe.

In a hot tub, with neighbors? I wouldn’t.

After just saying, “I do,” to your new bride? Not the augury I would want at the beginning a new life. But that’s just me. If you’re still into mullets, maybe it’d work for you.

As the valet driver delivering the client’s Lamborghini, and you’re hoping for a nice tip? I wouldn’t even if there were no tip. It’s a Lamborghini.

In a movie theater, in front of some obnoxiously loud candy eater who can’t seem to get the wrapper off his box of individually wrapped sweets? I would, I have and I will again.

Not sure if it’s solid, liquid or gas? Why take the risk?

With your dog? He probably wouldn’t mind.

At K-Mart? Happens all the time.

At Neiman Marcus? Happens all the time.

In an elevator? Not me.

So, Benjamin Franklin’s advice notwithstanding, do you think it’s cool to fart freely?

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