Tuesday, June 1, 2010


“Daddy?” the innocent little voice asked. “Will God be mad at me if I poot in his church?”

“No, honey,” he told her. “But you should try not to so that it doesn’t distract others.”

She seemed content with his answer, even though she seemed to continue deep in thought.

A few minutes later, she asked, “Daddy, will God be mad at me if I poot twice in his church?”

I couldn’t help but smuckle (A word I made up meaning to smile and chuckle simultaneously), but I did so as quietly as I could.

Her father looked at her, a half-smuckle appearing on his face as well. Then he looked at me as my own smuckle was getting dangerously close to an audible laugh.

He looked back at her, and said, “No, honey. But he might get a little perturbed if you do it three times. Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“No, Daddy. I think I’m done.”

She looked at me, and with big eyes as innocent as her little voice, said, “Sorry if I detracted you. Sometimes my butt can’t help myself.”

“That’s okay,” I told her. “I have the same problem some times.”

Apparently the smuckle was contagious, for with my answer, one seemed to be finding its way to her face. Although hers was more a cute little smiggle (that’s right, a simultaneous smile and giggle) than an outright smuckle.

Fortunately, we all settled down quickly enough, and if she had any more poots she let no one but God know.

I’m not sure what the preacher’s message of the day was, because I found myself lost in my own reverie of possible holy irreverence.

Did Jesus fart? Did he think it was funny, when He was a kid? Did He engage in fart jokes with His friends?

When He was presenting the Beatitudes, in between the “pure of heart” and the “peacemakers,” did He in a moment of silliness, ponder about “the pootmakers”? For theirs is the laughter of many? (Yeah, that one is definitely borderline.)

Is God up in Heaven right now, looking at what I’m writing, and smiggling or smuckling? Or is He shaking his head and thinking, “Really Mr. E.? This is what you’re doing with the gift and passion of writing that I’ve given you?”

And for those who are wondering what I’m wondering, my answer is, “Yes.”

I think Jesus farted. As to the rest of it, not so sure.

But one thing is for sure. God was not mad at the double-poot of an innocent little girl.

1 comment:

  1. IKnowWhatYouDidLastSummerJune 2, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    Was it a little girl who pooted twice in church?
    Or was it really YOU.