WHAT DO THEY GET, AFTER THE NET …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/r-z/384866837/sizes/z/in/photostream/

The pitchman said, “One hundred percent of all net proceeds is donated to …”

All of the emotional tugs and tearful hugs up to that point was having its intended effect. Purses, wallets, checkbooks were opening, debit and credit cards were getting ready. Most people would respond to the emotions. But there is a caveat.

Net proceeds.

Let’s say I’m offering a nice looking lapel pin for your donation of $1 and that I’ll give the net proceeds to charity. The pin cost me 15 cents to produce. After all, it really is a nice looking pin, all shiny and sparkly and noticeable, and those Chinese workers do have to get paid something. Then there’s shipping and handling – say 45 cents. Handling is always this nebulous charge, also known as a profit center. Add the promotional costs, administrative costs, and miscellaneous costs of, maybe another 30 cents. So far the gross cost is 90 cents of the $1 you’re donating. That leaves 10 cents. Oh, but I forgot the 7 cents in “other necessary” costs. So now we’re down to 3 cents out of that $1 you’re giving me. That’s the net proceeds.

Three cents. Not much real money going to help those in need, is it?

I’m not saying that all charities have such high costs. I am saying that the wise and careful contributor looks behind the tugs and hugs to see what how much of their dollar is really going to help.

But what happens if you donate $5 or $10 for that $1 lapel pin? Well, the unscrupulous will suddenly find that their shipping, handling, administrative, promotional, miscellaneous and “other necessary” costs increased. The net proceeds are, after all, a line item in the budget and may not be subject to change.

As we draw closer and closer to the holiday season, we are going to be subject to more and more appeals for our help.

Give generously. Give wisely.

A SIMPLE FIX TO AN AGE-OLD PROBLEM …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebaird/4142128199/sizes/z/in/photostream/

In the “out of the mouths of babes” department, comes the answer to the age-old question on how to rid the world of hate.

“Just get rid of the letter ‘e’,” she said without hesitation.

“That was a very quick answer, Leslie,” the teacher said. “Any other suggestions?”

I thought Leslie’s teacher dismissed her answer a bit too quickly. After all, with the stroke of a good eraser, no one would ever again be subjected to, “I hate you.” Instead, everyone could get a little chuckle when in a fit of anger someone would scream, “I hat you!” At least, I would chuckle.

And there are more possibilities for ridding the world of some other maladies. Evil would disappear. Ego would simply go. “Rates” of interest would be more aptly described as “rats” of interest. We could celebrate the demise of greed. And a lot of men would be happy to trade having to share their “feelings” with women for simply having “flings” with women.

Of course, there is also the down side of getting rid of the letter “e”. Many would weep over the loss of beer and beef. In the cold of winter, we would have to settle for turning up the hat, since heat would be gone. And everybody I know would really prefer looking through panes of glass rather than pans of glass.

Some things of course wouldn’t really change that much. For example, a txt mssg would still be a txt mssg.

I know what you’re thinking. If we took Leslie’s advice, her name would just be Lsli and “Mr. E” would just be “Mr.” No longer could we shout “Eureka!” upon some great discovery. Instead we would have to be content with “Urka!” which sounds more like some kind of whale than an exclamation.

My point to this post? Nothing but silliness. Sometimes, after the end of a particularly hard day, silliness is the best medicine.

Anyway, it’s tim to go to bd and gt som wll-arnd slp.

HAVE YOUR PANTS EVER BEEN ON FIRE …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bradgillette/397715338/sizes/z/in/photostream/

If you knew you would never be caught, would you ever lie on a job application or exaggerate your accomplishments or responsibilities on your resume? Why or why not?

If I answer “no” then I would be lying and they would probably disqualify me automatically. But if I answer “yes” then they will probably think I’m a liar and unworthy to be hired. But if I answer “no” then even if I would never lie or exaggerate they will think that everybody lies and exaggerates so they will conclude I’m lying. But if I answer “yes” they will think I must be a fool to disqualify myself by admitting to lying. But if I answer “no” then I answer “yes” but if I answer the question but if I don’t know what to do and I answer something but …

If your answer to that question would have you spending time with that kind of circular reasoning, you probably won’t be called back for the job.

It is a trick question, actually having nothing at all to do with the application or a resume. It is a question about self-awareness, character, and integrity.

Most employers believe that 99% of job applicants lie and/or exaggerate during the application and interviewing process. They expect it. But the answer to that question reveals a lot about a person’s value system. And where your answer falls on the spectrum of lies/exaggerations will mean different things to different employers.

But it’s the question they ask right after you answer the first question, that really reveals individual principles and honor. With maybe a dash of quick thinking.

The next question is: Have you lied or exaggerated during this application/interview process? Why or why not?

AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR MONDAY HAD A ROUGH START …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rednuht/275062549/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Contemplating Your Monday Morning Chuckle

IT’S THE SEASON OF QUACKS …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maxbisschop/118903742/sizes/z/in/photostream/

I don’t know if this is a joke or a real story because I’ve variations of it over the years. But I had the pleasure of re-reading it today in Harvey Mackay’s newsletter and wanted to share it with my readers as well.

The kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring sheet and gave what she considered to be simple instructions: Color the duck yellow and the duck's umbrella green.
But when little Betsy turned in her paper, the teacher asked, "Didn't you understand the directions, Betsy? You colored the duck red and her umbrella blue. How often have you seen a red duck?"
Betsy didn't miss a beat. "About as often as I've seen a duck carrying an umbrella," she replied.

It’s a cute story, but it also offers us an important lesson about the current political season we are enduring.

Politicians want you to color things a certain way. And usually it’s the way that they are most comfortable and familiar with. But the reality is, while ducklings are often yellow, ducks are rarely so.

This political season, don’t just blindly follow instructions. Think about things. Deeply and critically. And in the end, if you feel strongly that your duck has to be red. Color it so.

TOO MANY CANDLES, NOT ENOUGH SENSE …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mely-o/1773803822/sizes/z/in/photostream/

My birthday is quickly approaching and having a number of “rewards” cards for local merchants I am receiving birthday wishes from some of them. Mostly, they mean nothing.

Some actually send a real gift. A free entrée, a $10 gift card and a free massage are keepers. Mainly, because they require no purchase and are useable. I like the “no purchase required” aspect, which means not only will I redeem these gifts but I am so much more likely to continue doing business with them.

On the other hand, are the “Are They Kidding?” gift givers. These guys just don’t get it.

Consider the restaurant that sends me birthday wishes and a coupon good for half-off the price of two desserts. Yes, I have to buy two desserts. But before I can to enjoy my half-off desserts I first have to buy two dinners, with beverages, but only between Monday and Thursday nights, except on holidays or other special events. So on a limited night, I would have to spend around $50 or more, and not only will I not get a complimentary dessert, if I want dessert I’ll have to pay half price and have to buy two in order to use the coupon. Are they kidding?!

Or how about the tools and supplies store that sent me a $5 gift card for my birthday? All I have to do to enjoy their magnanimous generosity is spend a minimum $50 before the end of the month. Of course, there are thirteen brands that I am excluded from purchasing with the $5 gift card, but hey, if I need fifty bucks worth of generic nails or light bulbs, they’re the go-to place. Are they kidding?!

And then there’s the truly thoughtful gift sent by an area hotel. A photocopied “Birthday Wishes Certificate” good for a free continental breakfast on Sunday morning, if I spend Friday and Saturday nights in one of their “luxury” suites. For those who don’t know, a “continental breakfast” is typically donuts/pastry and a beverage. The per night rack rate for accommodations? A mere $127.50. So for only $255 I can get a couple of free donuts and a cup of coffee. Happy birthday to me! Are they kidding?!?!

But what I really want to know is … how many suckers do they hook with that crap?

HORNS AND TAILS DO NOT A DEVIL NECESSARILY MAKE …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/marineperez/4219779701/sizes/z/in/photostream/

What does evil look like? What does it smell or sound like? Do you know what it tastes like? Would you recognize it if it touched you?

Is evil male or female? Tall or short? Fat or thin? Married or divorced?

Does it hide in the shadows or walk in the light? Is it capitalist or socialist? Is it living or dead? Can it make you do things you really don’t want to do?

Since the beginning of time, humanity has wrestled with evil, both real and imagined.

But we rarely think about it, until it’s too late. Until we are already engaged in the battle.

There is one strategy and three keys to winning any war. The strategy is preparation. The keys are (1) know yourself and your allies; (2) know your enemy; (3) be well armored and well armed.

“To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace.” –George Washington