TOO MANY CANDLES, NOT ENOUGH SENSE …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mely-o/1773803822/sizes/z/in/photostream/

My birthday is quickly approaching and having a number of “rewards” cards for local merchants I am receiving birthday wishes from some of them. Mostly, they mean nothing.

Some actually send a real gift. A free entrée, a $10 gift card and a free massage are keepers. Mainly, because they require no purchase and are useable. I like the “no purchase required” aspect, which means not only will I redeem these gifts but I am so much more likely to continue doing business with them.

On the other hand, are the “Are They Kidding?” gift givers. These guys just don’t get it.

Consider the restaurant that sends me birthday wishes and a coupon good for half-off the price of two desserts. Yes, I have to buy two desserts. But before I can to enjoy my half-off desserts I first have to buy two dinners, with beverages, but only between Monday and Thursday nights, except on holidays or other special events. So on a limited night, I would have to spend around $50 or more, and not only will I not get a complimentary dessert, if I want dessert I’ll have to pay half price and have to buy two in order to use the coupon. Are they kidding?!

Or how about the tools and supplies store that sent me a $5 gift card for my birthday? All I have to do to enjoy their magnanimous generosity is spend a minimum $50 before the end of the month. Of course, there are thirteen brands that I am excluded from purchasing with the $5 gift card, but hey, if I need fifty bucks worth of generic nails or light bulbs, they’re the go-to place. Are they kidding?!

And then there’s the truly thoughtful gift sent by an area hotel. A photocopied “Birthday Wishes Certificate” good for a free continental breakfast on Sunday morning, if I spend Friday and Saturday nights in one of their “luxury” suites. For those who don’t know, a “continental breakfast” is typically donuts/pastry and a beverage. The per night rack rate for accommodations? A mere $127.50. So for only $255 I can get a couple of free donuts and a cup of coffee. Happy birthday to me! Are they kidding?!?!

But what I really want to know is … how many suckers do they hook with that crap?

HORNS AND TAILS DO NOT A DEVIL NECESSARILY MAKE …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/marineperez/4219779701/sizes/z/in/photostream/

What does evil look like? What does it smell or sound like? Do you know what it tastes like? Would you recognize it if it touched you?

Is evil male or female? Tall or short? Fat or thin? Married or divorced?

Does it hide in the shadows or walk in the light? Is it capitalist or socialist? Is it living or dead? Can it make you do things you really don’t want to do?

Since the beginning of time, humanity has wrestled with evil, both real and imagined.

But we rarely think about it, until it’s too late. Until we are already engaged in the battle.

There is one strategy and three keys to winning any war. The strategy is preparation. The keys are (1) know yourself and your allies; (2) know your enemy; (3) be well armored and well armed.

“To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace.” –George Washington

ARE YOU A ROCK COLLECTOR …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/repoort/4904473139/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Our lives are filled with pebbles and stones and rocks and even a huge boulder every so often. We call them, things. Or more specifically, things we need to get done. Our little Post-it® reminders become not-so-little to-do lists which transform into a Getting Things Done® system which eventually morphs into a “help-me-I’m-drowning-in-clutter-and-stuff-and-need-to-simplify-and-minimize-my-life” revelation. Then we rinse and repeat.

We talk about balance and priorities. We worry about lost time and last minutes. We tell ourselves that what we want is what we need, effectively blurring the distinction between the two. And before we know it, we are tending to a rock garden.

Are you happy? Look around your life. Does every pebble and stone and rock add to the quality of your life, or does it merely add weight?

Lose the weight, save your life.

AND IF I WIN, NO MORE TRIPS TO THE VET

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bfishadow/4769734597/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Ready? Get Set. Go! and enjoy your Monday Morning Chuckle.

HOW MANY DRAGONS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/austinevan/269125432/sizes/m/in/photostream/

“Daddy,” the five-year-old said, “do you believe in dragons?”

“Sure,” his father said.

“Have you ever seen one?” his son excitedly asked.

“No.”

“Then why do you believe in them?”

His father thought for a few seconds then said, “Because sometimes you have to believe in something before you actually see it.”

Such is the stuff of faith. And there are libraries dedicated to the power and practice of faith.

American author, Napoleon Hill wrote one of the best-selling books of all time, Think and Grow Rich, predicated on one of his most famous quotes: “What the mind of man can believe, the mind of man can achieve.” And there are plenty of similar tomes patterned after his book.

French philosopher Voltaire, penned that “Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed.”

Or consider the words of the United Kingdom’s Poet Laureate of the mid-1800s, Alfred Lord Tennyson, “Faith is believing what we cannot prove.”

And then there is my personal favorite: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”, found in Hebrews 11:1 of the Bible.

Throughout the ages of man, faith has been a remarkable tool in his arsenal of advancement. And it shall be no different in our future.

Whether it’s believing in dragons or having enough belief to work through more than 10,000 attempts before discovering the American light bulb, faith plays its part.

Make it a part of your life.

WE HOLD IN OUR HANDS THE POWER TO CRUSH LIFE OR TO CULTIVATE IT …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/soseac/5039741204/sizes/z/in/photostream/

Choose wisely.

HOW DIRTY DO YOU HAVE TO BE BEFORE YOU’RE NO LONGER CLEAN …

http://www.flickr.com/photos/caitlinator/3536394903/sizes/z/in/photostream/

If you’re in the business of cleaning, shouldn’t your own stuff be clean?

It seems counter-productive to drive a vehicle around, painted bright yellow so you are clearly noticed, prominently featuring the word “clean” in your business name, caked with dust, dirt and grime.

It is, after all, a mobile representation of your commitment to the service you propose to do for others. If you show up at my home or business, in a dirty truck, wearing a stained shirt, holes in your pants and shoes that look like they haven’t been cleaned and polished since the day you bought them, I’m not going to trust you to do a good job cleaning my home or business.

At the end of your task, I really don’t want to hear, “Well, it’s cleaner than it was before. That should be good enough.”

Good enough?

If 75% is good enough, does that mean when you need to replace all four tires on your car, and they only put three tires on, that’s “good enough”?

Maybe 85% is good enough for you. So when you give me your bill for $100, does that mean I only need to pay you $85, since that’s your standard for “good enough”?

And if “cleaner than it was before,” is your measure of success, then just giving you a few dollars should be good enough, since it will be “more than you had before.”

That is, assuming that I let you in my home or business in the first place, given that you showed up looking rather dirty and disheveled.