I WILL BE SO HAPPY WHEN WE DON’T HAVE TO PARK BY THE BUDDY SYSTEM ANY MORE

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It’s Monday the Thirteenth. Don’t forget to chuckle.

LEST WE EVER FORGET, SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 …

I remember exactly where I was the morning of September 11, 2001, when the news was announced that the United States was attacked in New York City.

8:46 a.m., a Boeing 767 jet crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. Aboard the hijacked American Airlines Flight 11 were two pilots, nine flight attendants, and 81 passengers. All aboard died.

9:03 a.m., approximately seventeen minutes later, a second Boeing 767 jet crashed into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. Aboard the hijacked United Airlines Flight 175 were two pilots, seven flight attendants, and 56 passengers. All aboard died.

9:37 a.m., less than an hour after the first attack, a Boeing 757 jet crashed into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia. Aboard the hijacked American Airlines Flight 77 were two pilots, four flight attendants, and 58 passengers. All aboard died.

9:59 a.m., the South Tower collapses.

10:03 a.m., about an hour and fifteen minutes after the first attack, a second Boeing 757 jet crashes into a wooded area near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Aboard the hijacked United Airlines Flight 93 were two pilots, five flight attendants, and 38 passengers. It was believed that the jet was heading toward either the U.S. Capitol or the White House. Some of the passengers aboard that flight, overtook the hijackers, forcing the jet to crash before reaching its believed destination. All aboard died.

10:28 a.m., the North Tower collapses.

5:21 p.m., World Trade Center #7 collapses, having been damaged when the North Tower collapsed.

In all, almost 3,000 people died in the attacks.

The devastation not only of the Twin Towers, but of the many buildings at Ground Zero was horrific. The financial cost ran into the tens of billions of dollars. The financial hit to the U.S. and world stock markets was well over $1 Trillion.

FROM CORPULENT COWS TO BABY BUNNIES, WE’RE ALL TOGETHER IN THIS METHANE MESS

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“Oh geez, E,” she sighed with resignation, “do you have to fart in the car?”

Having just finished reading Benjamin Franklin’s Thirteen Virtues, and feeling a bit smart-ish (yes, that can be a word), I responded, “Well, according to Ben Franklin, I’m to let all things have their places, and let each part of my business have its time.”

She looked at me … actually, she gave me that look … and said, “You’re saying Ben Franklin told you to fart in the car? Really?”

“Well-l-l-l, no. But in my defense, I didn’t think it would be so fetid.”

Okay. So it wasn’t a defense, and I should have had a semblance of consideration for her, and not squeezed cheese in a small enclosure, but …

It reminded me of when one of my daughters asked, “Do bunnies fart?”

http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/onlinestuff/snot/do_rabbits_fart.aspx

I’m sure I gave her some sort of creative, funny and perhaps marginally accurate answer, but the right answer is, of course, yes.

People fart. Bunnies fart. Cows fart. Heck, even women have been known to gently and genteelly pass wind.

But I was surprised to learn that the worst offender of flailing flatulence is … termites. With billions of the insects around the world, eating 24/7, that means they’re also manufacturing methane gas and expelling it into the atmosphere and contributing to the global warming concern. It’s just one more reason to be concerned about termites invading your home.

So now you have a little tidbit to throw into the middle of a boring conversation at that next dinner party you have to attend. Aa-a-and, you’re welcome.

THE WORLD WOULD BE OKAY, IF IT WASN’T FOR ALL THOSE “OTHER” PEOPLE

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“I hate Christians,” was his opening salvo. “Especially those ‘born-again’ Christians. They’re the most hateful, mean-spirited, racist, homophobic, close-minded, judgemental a$s#o1es I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. Why don’t they just all die and go live in their heaven and just leave the rest of us alone. Man, I just hate them.”

He continued on his screed for about a half-hour, blaming Christians for just about everything he considered wrong in the world, past and present.

Global warming? The Christians caused it.

Wars? From Cain and Able through the Crusades to the present conflicts around the world, the Christians were behind them.

AIDS? A Christian plot to wipe out gay people.

Poverty and hunger? Greedy Christians.

Slavery? Lazy Christians.

The Conservatives’ Tea Party? Racist Christians who want to take over the country.

The obesity epidemic? You got it, gluttonous Christians.

Capitalism? Ignorant Christians who just don’t understand how Socialism works.

On and on he went. So full of vitriol I couldn’t help wondering what Christian had hurt him so deeply as to cause such animus.

Eventually his buddy got him talking about cars and his conversation mellowed a bit. At least until he remembered that Christians were responsible for the high costs of auto parts and repair. And then his rant continued.

Eventually they left, much to the apparent relief of most of those around him in the bookstore.

I watched as he backed out of his parking space, and got close enough for me to read the most prominent bumper sticker on his car. It stated simply:

IF A SKATEBOARDER FALLS IN THE STREET, IS IT STILL NOT A CRIME …

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The speed limit was 35 mph. I was going about 3.5 mph. Behind a couple of skateboarders. Who apparently thought they had as much right to the lane of traffic as cars do.

They knew I was behind them yet they continued to ride abreast, slowly, chatting while throwing Skittles® down their gullets. After a few interminable minutes, I popped my car horn. They looked back at me, for about the fifth time, and slowly wheeled over into the oncoming lane of traffic (without any cars in it).

As I drove forward, now unimpeded by their leisurely swaying back and forth atop their fugly decks, one of them yelled at me, “There’s no sidewalk, you know!” Their grasp of the obvious and their ability to verbalize so intelligently, was almost stunning.

To which I replied, “You’re no car, you know!” My own grasp of the obvious equally stunning.

In keeping with their considerate and gentlemanly ways, they both flipped me off.

So the question is: who was right?

A couple of obvious newbs, one regular and one goofy, sessioning the street, with an entitlement attitude?

Or me?

Discuss among yourselves and let me know in the comments.

DUDE. SERIOUSLY. NEXT TIME I PICK THE POOL.

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And another Monday Morning Chuckle hits the post.

IF YOU WORK, THIS IS YOUR WEEKEND TO CELEBRATE

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It started on May 11, 1894, when around 3,000 union workers started a wildcat strike against the Pullman Palace Car Company in Pullman, Illinois. Traffic west of Chicago quickly ground to a halt. By the time the strike ended two months later, it had grown nationwide, involved more than two dozen states and around a quarter of a million unionists. Violence, threats of violence, about a dozen deaths, and more than a third of a million dollars in damage (which, adjusted for 2010 dollars would be almost $9 Million today), as well as having ignored court injunctions and interfered with U.S. Mail delivery, forced the hand of President Grover Cleveland to intervene. He sent in U.S. Marshalls and thousands of army troops to put down the strike.

Because of the intense conflict, and seeking to soothe the wounds of the unionists involved, the Congress passed legislation declaring a national Labor Day holiday, signed by Cleveland, within a week of the strike’s end.

Even though the power and influence of labor unions has significantly waned since its heyday, it remains a celebration of labor by many, but mostly a celebration of the “end” of summer.

Now you know.